It's hard, but I'm getting over it.

I cried driving home yesterday, when I glanced by at my pasture, and didn't see him standing there.
It breaks my heart not having him talking to me at feeding time.
I can't bear not having him nearly running me over to get stratched.

But, I know he is going to a great home. This is the first time I have ever sold a horse, and I'm not taking it too lightly. Tears are never far away, but I've been keeping my chin up. I've caught my self about 10 times, saying "I have 5 horses". Nope, down to four. Haven't been down to four since I very first got Rebel.

I miss him so much. </3

60th Post: Rebel's New Home

Rebel: you've been my best friend for the past three years. You've taught me a lot about horses, patience, and life. You've come so far when I got you during that dark stage of my life. You brightened it up and gave me reason to love and hope. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am now. Silly, to blame this all on a horse, but really, it's fact. No one has spoken to my heart the way you have, and you did it without saying anything at all. I promise I will come and visit you in your new home. I hoped and prayed somebody like this would come along for you, and I always believed it wouldn't happen. But, luck has found us both. I found you, and now, you will have found your perfect, forever home. I'm going to miss you so much, but I am so happy that you found somebody so willing to love you, as I have the past 3 years. Goodbyes are never easy, but I know this won't be forever. Rebel-ebel, I love you with all my heart, and I know you will love your new home. Have fun in this new stage of your life:)

A guy came out to look at Rebel today. I had to leave work because I was crying so hard, I thought I wouldn't be able to say good bye.
You know, it's hard to find amazing home's for compainion horses.
I am SO lucky to have found a home for Rebel. The guy has 122 acres, down by the river, his own hay feilds, and a barn with AC. I offered $200 for Rebel. The guy handed me $400, and I cried my eyes out trying to tell him I didn't want his money, but he teared up and so I didn't have much choice. Rebel is going to a fantastic home, where he will be loved forever:)

Wow, what is money?!

So, I've made around $1,500 this summer. How much of it have I spent on myself? (not including gas or food)
About $40.
Woot.
Most of my money went towards hay, which certainly doesn't bother me, but it wasn't till the very end of the summer I got the hours I was wanting. I brought home a $404 check today, which made me VERY happy. I also spent $57 for a speaker for the boyfriend..I swear...if he blows that thing out............

Lets see...what shall I buy.
Dream, Rosie and Dusty need dental work. Soooo..somebody give me what it normaly costs to get your horses(or mules, hehe) teeth done?
I'm in need of jeans. Bad. Like, all mine got cut up this summer, because I was in need of shorts!
But I can get those at a thrift store, easy.
A few nice shirts, I don't need much, just something I can really mix and match with.
Rommel reins
Black splint boots
A hat that fits.


Well, I doubt I will be able to get everything on my list, but I'll figure it out.
Wednesday will be my first day off in 2 weeks. I've been working outside, 11am-7pm in about 100 degree plus weather. Yipee for me!!!! I'm planning on doing a little shopping, and getting my poor dog's hair cut. Poor little Jasmine.
Oh, wait. You'v never met my other pets! STORY TIIIIIME!

We got Jasmine when I was about 7ish, she is a black tri Australian Shepard. I swear, she has COPD or asthma or something, ha poor girl breathes so hard. She loves running up and down up and down the fence allll damn day. Then, jump in the pool to cool off. She is much more slowed down now that she has aged, she tends to stay inside where it is cool during the day, then go outside at night. She's a really sweet girl! She get's jealous though when you pet my other dog:P

Then, I have Wally. She is a Welsh Corgi/Labrador mix...Hell yes. I own a Corgidor. She is about a month younger than Jasmine, and what she lacks in height, she gains in awkwardness. She is a super goof ball!! She doesn't believe she is a dog..more of like a Dingo. Fetch? Whaaaa?!?! Her hobbies include:jumping, staring, hoping, howling, staring, wagging, more staring, not eating, getting yeast infections in her ears, more staring..

I also have a pet bird. I've had him for about 7 years. He is a yellow Cockatiel. I think he looks like the Pokeman Peekachoo (totaly just failed the spelling)! He is narotic, and we cannot keep him in his cage or else he starts his crazy habit of eating himself. He will literally bore a hole in his wing, and bleed, and scream. Silly bird.

Roots are never firmly planted.

They can be ripped away in a heart beat.



I don't want to go into it.

Let's just say, I'm counting every night I spend in this house. Each one could be my last.
Our house is more than likely going to get foreclosed.
Where do I turn?
I asked Kasey if, this does happen, if I can keep my horses at her house, even if just for a little bit.
I hate asking favors of other people. Especially if it requires me to burst out into tears over the phone.

As much as I hate this house, this is HOME. I have spent half of my life here. I grew up here.
I lost my best friend in my barn.
I can show you every stump, lump and weed in my pasture.
I can tell you the stories.
I know exactly where my feet are planted at all times.
I know where my roots are.

But now, it feels like something is slowly boring me out of my dirt. I feel like time is ticking slowly, I only have so much time left.

I'm so glad I have blogging to turn to. When I have no one to talk to, at least I can talk to myself. And, then maybe someone will hear the words that I scream in my head over and over.

In better news, I found somebody who is interested in Rebel. She sounds perfect. A little horse obsessed girl, just like I was when looking for my first horse.:)
Oh, and it's raining. Praise God, thank you!!!! Hay was going up to $11 just for a square bale of bermuda.

This beautiful flower has been growing outside my window all summer. It's thorny and no so pleasent to the touch, but definately something small, that I would have taken for granted.

I've spread myself thin across the asphalt.

That just sounded like a cool title:P

But really, I have. I've tried too hard to get myself in too many equine activities. I'm with the OkFQHR and the Freedom Riders, but I also try to be apart of the Oklahom Family Equestrains (a trail riding group) and do barrels on Wednesday. And not to mention being rodeo princess for the Tuttle Round Up Club.
I can't do all this anymore.

In a year, I will be in college. I've already started planning things out the best I can, and as my mom said, I've spread myself too thin. I try to put myself into different activities and diciplens, and at this point I have become to specialized. I was going to have Dream for just poles, Sassy for just barrels, Dusty just for cow events, and Rosie for just drill and foundation shows.

Tonight at the rodeo, I entered in barrels. Really, I feel I entered it as a last resort to tell myself to give it up..barrels just don't work for me anymore. I'm tired of competing with snobish brats on $25,000 horses that they flat out don't deserve. I love going fast, and I love turning hard, but I'm not going to be able to compete at any level in it, there is no doubt about that. My parents aren't flithy rich, I'm not spoiled (for the most part LOL), and I don't have the horses that are up to that calliber.
Rosie wasn't flexing around the turns, we hit a barrel (never happened to me), and she just seemed off.
It was a cue for me.

I'm thinking about starting team sorting. That's something all my horses (except Dream, since she has never seen a cow lol and Rebel...duh) could be really great at, not just one of them. I'd still do side things with them, but not as much as I do now. I like having an all around horse, but I'd rather have 3 horses that are great at the same job. And, as for Dream, when I go to college I am putting her up for lease. There is no way I could sell my first horse. She's a PERFECT canidate for a lease, she just needs a little tweaking here and there and would be amazing at any direction you point her in. Personaly, I'd love to get into hunter/jumper, but, that would just be one more thing to add to my plate. See how this works for me now?! Lol!

I'm loving this picture of me and Dream!!!

As much as I want to, I am feeling that it is time for me to give up Rebel. I need to give us both the chance to expand. He will always be my baby bear, but he could become some other little girls baby bear too..:( With this massive hay shortage, I just can't keep 5 horses over the winter. I'm going to make sure he goes to the PERFECT home. I'm not giving him away, well, maybe I am, but I'm not shoving him out. I don't think I could last one month without him following me step for step....

The horse obsessed girl in all of us.

While sitting at a drill meeting last night, I randomly thought.
Every girl in this room was me once.
Every girl begged their parents for a pony.
Every girl sat up dreaming about their riding lesson the next day.
Every girl played with toy horses for hours on end.

I few days ago, while loping on Rosie, I had a thought. The first time I cantered, it was a strange gait. Infact, every gait was strange. It was a miracle to think of myself sitting, stride for stride upon a 1,200 animal, perfectly in tune. When I was younger, it was an awkward sense of freedom. I didn't know where I was going or how I was doing it, but I knew the lesson pony would calmly canter around the indoor arena until I said "whoa".

Every one of these girls was a biggener at some point, and it would be foolish to say that Clinton Anderson started out knowing every little thing about horses. We pick things up as we go along, if we keep our ears and eyes open. Books can tell you a lot about horses, but you won't learn anything until you actually lay your hands on a horse..

The most valuable things that I have ever learned about horses, were from trainers, ferriers and other horsemen (other than where the "poll" is located on a horse. First part of the horse I ever memorized). Karen taught me always to practice slow. Charles taught me it's not in your hands, but in your seat. Rod taught me where I should properly place my saddle on a horses back (when I first got a horse, Dream, I had a thing about putting it behind her withers lol).

It's sad to think though, not all these girls will enjoy horses 10 years from now. Some of them, will just grow tired of it, or just not see any use. Most of these girls are the ones that don't always take advice from other riders. Their horses act up, and they refuse to realize that it's their fault as a rider. They realize that riding just isn't as fun as they were hoping, and they loose touch with their inner equestrain.

I'm still as horse obsessed as I was 14 years ago. I still draw horses on every peice of paper I can find, I'm always surfing the internet learning about horses, I'm outside as much as I can be (except for now......110 degrees, no thanks!) just sitting and laying in the pasture adoring my "babies"..

Another thing that gets kids out of horses, is having horses pushed on them. Their parents buy them an expessive horse, get them going to big time shows, riding a horse that is totally out of their league. Or, the parents that make their kids do way more equine activities than they would like. They just want to ride, have fun with friends and enjoy the bond with their horse.

I'm glad my parents never pushed it on me. They challenged me, yes, but they never made me do something I wasn't wanting to do (other than the time I was scared to lope on Dream 6 months after she bucked me off..my mom wasn't to happy about that lol).

Just for kicks and giggles.........gotta love my dad!